EDSP Orkney
Eating Disorder Support Project
Eating Disorder Support Project
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Caring for someone with an eating disorder
It is incredibly difficult to support someone who has an eating disorder. People with eating disorders are not easy to help. As an observer you may notice that eating behaviours (either too much or too little) are impacting not only on the quality of life of your loved one but on your life too. However, you may find it impossible to raise your concerns effectively as they get brushed aside. One of the core clinical signs of an eating disorder is that the individual perceives some positive benefit to their condition, a sense of well-being, power, control, uniqueness, etc.
Some individuals persist with their meagre dietary rations. For others the compulsion to eat breaks their resolve and they feel driven to use extreme measure to compensate for their ‘indulgence’ with over-exercise, vomiting or laxatives. A pattern rather like an addiction can slowly develop with the individual fasting or subsisting on a monotonous low calorie diet for long periods; then, suddenly, if a small portion of palatable food passes their lips, being unable to stop eating. Other compulsive, driven behaviours such as over-exercise or quirky rituals can occur.
You may feel powerless as your loved one becomes angry and/or humiliated when you broach the subject. With eating a core aspect of life, relationships can become fraught both in families and in professional settings.
Distinguishing normal dieting from eating disorder symptoms
With so many people on a diet how do you know it’s not just a passing phase? Below are some pointers that can alert you to the fact that something more serious than dieting is involved. Someone developing an eating disorder may have several of these signs:
It is incredibly difficult to support someone who has an eating disorder. People with eating disorders are not easy to help. As an observer you may notice that eating behaviours (either too much or too little) are impacting not only on the quality of life of your loved one but on your life too. However, you may find it impossible to raise your concerns effectively as they get brushed aside. One of the core clinical signs of an eating disorder is that the individual perceives some positive benefit to their condition, a sense of well-
Some individuals persist with their meagre dietary rations. For others the compulsion to eat breaks their resolve and they feel driven to use extreme measure to compensate for their ‘indulgence’ with over-
You may feel powerless as your loved one becomes angry and/or humiliated when you broach the subject. With eating a core aspect of life, relationships can become fraught both in families and in professional settings.
Distinguishing normal dieting from eating disorder symptoms
With so many people on a diet how do you know it’s not just a passing phase? Below are some pointers that can alert you to the fact that something more serious than dieting is involved. Someone developing an eating disorder may have several of these signs:
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Denial of diet -
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Change in food rules, e.g. omitting certain foods
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Denial of hunger and craving
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Covering up the weight loss, possibly by wearing baggy clothes
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Increased interest in food -
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Claims of needing to eat less than others or only very small portions
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Eating slowly, with small mouthfuls
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Avoiding eating with others, e.g. The excuse of having eaten already or eaten elsewhere
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Behaviour becoming more compulsive and ritualised -
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Becoming socially isolated and low in mood
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Frequently disappearing to the bathroom -
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A new or increased exercise routine -
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Common Myths
There are a great number of myths surrounding eating disorders and the following are several of the more common ones:
There are a great number of myths surrounding eating disorders and the following are several of the more common ones:
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Eating disorders are all to do with vanity and aspirations to be a model.
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It’s just another form of attention seeking and/or rebellious behaviour.
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It’s something that people grow out of, a passing phase.
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The person is cured, completely after a period of inpatient treatment.
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Families (particularly mothers) are responsible for their daughter/son developing an eating disorder.
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People with eating disorders choose to have their illness. They want to be ill/to die/to not grow up.
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People with eating disorders are trying to punish their parents or whoever they live with.
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Families with an eating disorder in their midst need therapy.
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You must do all you can to humour and please the invalid.
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The hospital and treatment team can always cure them.
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It is just a question of eating.
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Health Risks
Most people living with someone with an eating disorder are concerned about health risks, and the long and short term consequences of poor nutrition. Finding a balance between being mindful of the health risks that your loved one faces, and not panicking over what may or not be important from a medical point of view, is often very difficult.
Please see the health risks page for further information.
Most people living with someone with an eating disorder are concerned about health risks, and the long and short term consequences of poor nutrition. Finding a balance between being mindful of the health risks that your loved one faces, and not panicking over what may or not be important from a medical point of view, is often very difficult.
Please see the health risks page for further information.
Stress, strain and developing resilience
A mild degree of stress can serve as a challenge. This can be energising and fulfilling if we can eventually master the problem. However unrelenting stress, with which it is beyond our capacity to cope turns into strain and leads to distress. Living with an eating disorder is a huge challenge, even to a large team of highly trained professionals, let alone any individual carer or family.
When the strength of the eating disorder is high, there is a danger that the individual carer or family resilience will fail. The pressure of caring can take a heavy toll. Coping and resilience can be improved through getting the right information at the the right time, by learning new skills and building on existing ones. Some carers may benefit from professional counselling themselves.
It is important that carers take time out to look after themselves and plan their own survival strategies so that they may continue to support the sufferer effectively. Sharing valuable ‘time-out’ activities such as chatting over a cup of tea, lunch out or cooking for a friend, all of which provide respite to carers, also provide ideal times to be heard and listened to.
Patience and calmness are some of the key skills to help with this illness. In the face of difficulty they may be hard to develop. Friends and family, finding a support group and finding spiritual help can all provide important support. Understanding eating disorders can also help construct an environment in which they do not continue to flourish.
There are useful books in the reading list which provide a much more detailed guide to caring for someone with an eating disorder.
A mild degree of stress can serve as a challenge. This can be energising and fulfilling if we can eventually master the problem. However unrelenting stress, with which it is beyond our capacity to cope turns into strain and leads to distress. Living with an eating disorder is a huge challenge, even to a large team of highly trained professionals, let alone any individual carer or family.
When the strength of the eating disorder is high, there is a danger that the individual carer or family resilience will fail. The pressure of caring can take a heavy toll. Coping and resilience can be improved through getting the right information at the the right time, by learning new skills and building on existing ones. Some carers may benefit from professional counselling themselves.
It is important that carers take time out to look after themselves and plan their own survival strategies so that they may continue to support the sufferer effectively. Sharing valuable ‘time-
Patience and calmness are some of the key skills to help with this illness. In the face of difficulty they may be hard to develop. Friends and family, finding a support group and finding spiritual help can all provide important support. Understanding eating disorders can also help construct an environment in which they do not continue to flourish.
There are useful books in the reading list which provide a much more detailed guide to caring for someone with an eating disorder.